I know it has been a while, but I have been busy. Really!! I have, we have had 4 more showings since my last blog and I have been slowly working on the house.Kind of anyway. Okay! Okay, I have been thinking about working on the house. You got it out of me. Not much can be done when I have little ones running around and I have been trying to get the laundry done.
To tell the truth I have been feeling sorry for myself and letting it get in the way of life. We really have had a lot going on, in trying to sell the house, have some sort of a life and giving my children the attention they deserve I have been lacking on sleep. I go to bed late and wake up early, I get bitchy and snarly. I take everything out on my husband instead of dealing with the people that actually make me mad and I am having a hard time counting to 10 instead of losing it when my adorably, too-smart-for-his-own-good, son tries my patience. So then I can't sleep again because I feel bad for yelling and putting him in a time out when I was the one that really needed it. Mommy's guilt is a nasty thing. Just when I think I am making head way, and I might have coping down, someone makes a comment or I have a thought and it is all shot to hell. WTF!! I can't win.
So since I feel that I have some experience with feeling guilty, tired, overwhelmed and useless, I feel that I may be qualified enough to give some advice. A friend from my Mom's group is having some anxiety about parenting 2 children, one being a newborn (which we all know require a lot of extra attention and love) who wants only her mommy at night ( my daughter being an excellent example of this), I felt that when she asked that it would be fine to tell her I understand and offer some advice on how to deal. I mean Larry worked nights at the beginning and is gone a lot with his job, so I am left alone a lot too. And really with a nursing baby he can only do and understand so much anyway. Well, I offer my advice, standard stuff like forget the house work, forget the routine (babies often pick there own anyway) and tell her that I am here to help, yada,yada,yada......
Well, not long after another mother replies, gives her advice, great. The more the merrier. ( We really do have a great support system with eachother in our group) She seemed to pick my advice and point out that getting rid of the routine will only work if the baby wants the routine gone. Really now, I am all for letting baby be the boss, both my kids still are the boss and I fear that will never change, but really a routine is only good if it makes everyones life easier and less stressful. If it is creating more stress than it needs to take flight somewhere else. Being that I am running on little sleep and am often left questioning my own parenting abilities I take offense. I know that I am over tired and probably reading more into it than there is, but I can't help but be angry and bitter. And this as a result is causing more sleep loss. Oh well.
So instead of sleeping and dreaming I am left with a burnign hole in my stomach and a weight on my chest. Feels pretty awful.
We are also off to Calgary today, just the kids and I, wish us luck!!!
Bon Voyage!!!
Signed,
Wish I did not feel compelled to help people.
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